Harry's random day
by On Pluto
Summary: The students of Hogwarts are having a very random day. Harry and his friends have defeated Voldie and madness is the result. Crackfic.
1. Chapter 1

_Harry Potter written with Mad-is-not-the-name-4-it-XD _

_Sadly neither of us own Harry Potter (yet)_

Once upon a time Harry and Hermione were walking towards a random pink post in the middle of nowhere, where they met Ron.

"So," said Hermione "Where's the most swankified place in town?"

"Dun no." grunted Ron

" I know I know," said Harry excitedly "That castle over the hill, with the village. You know the really pretty place."

Ron and Hermione looked at him with very confused looks on their faces.

"Harry," said Hermione kindly " There was no castle and village"

"Yeah mate," grunted Ron "I think ya going insane again."

"Me, what about you?" Exclaimed a miffed Harry. "Anyway there was a big village, I'm sure they would give us food and shelter, for the night."

Harry started off down the hill, humming 'We're off to see the wizard'.

Ron looked at Hermione and muttered "there he goes again"

"Yep, always bonkers that one." Hermione murmured.

"Hey you two, stop kissing back there, save it till later!" Harry shouted already halfway down the hill.

"I guess we better go then." Sighed Hermione.

"Humf" Huffed Ron. "Another wild goose chase it is" he carried on miffed.

A while later

"Lala, Po, Tinkywinky, Dipsy." Chanted Harry for the umpteenth time.

Hermione meanwhile was glaring as Ron ran circles around her shouting "Tele tubbies say eh-o."

"Harry are you sure the village is up ahead?" Hermione called, speaking for the first time since the nonsense started.

"Nope" Harry shouted cheerfully.

"Super duper" Shouted Ron.

Meanwhile at Hogwarts

Ginny was searching for an avocado that she had named Fred. Her search lead her to the Slytherin common room which she managed to get into with no problems "All hail Lord Voldemort!" She muttered as the big gargoyle spat at her, she thought it could have been a more imaginative password.

She walked into the common room only to see a giant brand new tent in the process of being put up. Ginny decided to look in the tent to see if Fred was in there but instead she found an unlimited supply of cat food, a donkey that had been died green. This shocked Ginny greatly, so she ran away sharpish.

As she was running through the charms corridor she ran into head first into a elephants with pink spots. Who happened to be Professor Snape in animagus form. At this shocking revelation Ginny threw a handful of fried frogs, that she'd brought off the Fat Friar, at Snape. He promptly coughed up an army of green ants that bite more than red ones and then subsided into normal coughing fit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's chapter 2 sorry it's a bit short. But I got a review (even if it was the person i wrote it with!)**

Also going on in a place far, far away (well not that far but hey, when your writing you can put what you like!).

Harry spotted the castle that he had been looking for, for the past 8 hours. A high horse with no reigns came out of nowhere. Trotting with an iambic pentameter beat, with no rhythm.

"Aha," Screamed Harry excitedly " I see the castle!"

"Whoopee doodah!" Hermione muttered sarcastically.

"At long last" Ron murmured.

Even Ron had got bored with tele tubbies. Though Harry was definitely um, unusual. In more ways than one. Unique was one way of putting it. Completely off the planet was another, but hey he was the chosen one so who cared!

Soon Harry, Ron and Hermione had walked down the rest of the hill, Hermione and Ron finally saw the castle that Harry had been on about.

The castle stood proudly against the sky, Harry thought that this was strange, since when did castle's become proud? Oh well who cared, there was fun to be had.

Back at Hogwarts 

Ginny was skipping along, after escaping from Snape, when she saw George her brother. She saw he had a jam in his hand. "Want some?" George asked with a manic glint in his eye.

"What flavour is it?" Ginny asked, ever suspicious of her brother.

"This jam is from the man who fell from 50 thousand feet without a parachute. Quality jam this stuff, half a spoon full is 50 pounds, but as you're my sister I'll give you it for 500 pounds, bargain huh." George grinned.

Ginny just ran shouting behind her, "Have you seen Fred?"

"Yeah in the Great Hall"

Ginny was running so fast, she barely saw the Klutzy penguin waddling along. However she did see the llama, hear might be a better way to put it, as the llama was singing, _Songs of praise. _To a cheering audience. She ran into the great hall, and promptly threw herself onto the floor and began crawling along.

**There it is for you it is really short but it means i will update sooner! (in theory)**


	3. Chapter 3

Written with a different friend who still doesn't have a FF account.

Up a random tower

Trelawney, the esteemed seer, amazing teacher and sociable punk, or is it social failure, was checking her precious teacup collection when, out of the blue, explosions began to bung round the room. Closing her eyes, as if in prayer, Trelawney allowed the Inner Eye out to play. In a breathy voice, she began to mutter, "I see...a potato, a frog, a dog." After a prolonged pause, she muttered in a normal voice (for her), "I'm a poet and I didn't know it!" After several hysterical chuckles, a glass of whisky and the call of nature, she began to gaze sadly at her precious teacup collection, wondering if the explosions would destroy it forever. Susan Bones, hiding behind the flowery couch, couldn't help but snigger as he realised the batty professor had finally cracked. Completely. Cedric, snorting nearby, stuffing cake down his face, was upset that his pet gorilla Fred (after his the Wesley boy) and its twin brother George (after the other Wesley boy), wasn't mentioned in the crazy prophecy. Cho guffawing loudly in an unladylike fashion, hiding behind the lamp, wondered why her pet melon Bob was mentioned as Trelawney always mistook for a dog.

Trelawney whirled around. Who was laughing at her precious teacups? The answer was immediately obvious. Looking at the lamp closely, and then switching her gaze to the couch nearby, her gaze continued and then shouting, she exclaimed, "Longbottom! Get your bottom here!"

"What about my long?" inquired a confused Neville.

"No, I don't need your long, just your bottom."

"Good, I'll just be off," said a beaming Neville.

Trelawney could only watch in shock as the usually quiet and shy Longbottom happily skipped out the door, sucking his blood lollipop. What was most shocking though was that Neville did not once trip.

Downstairs, as Ginny gazed at the banana lovingly (her avocado was lost forever) she thought of her orange lying on its own back at her house.

Love was the reason Luna decided to peel the banana, so that she could save Harry from the community service.

The banana graveyard was a morbid thought and yet Ginny felt that her old banana that had long since died, was comfortable and happy in its last resting place!

Fans are not a popular choice for the decoration of graveyards, but Luna found a towering lilac one that she thought was very appropriate.

It was a rainy day yet Ginny didn't care. What was important was that her banana was given a proper funeral.

They bumped with an almighty CRASH!

"Oi!" Ginny yelled. "My banana just died!" Tears began to roll down her face, mirroring the rain outside.

"Gred," uttered Forge.

"Yes, dear brother of mine," said Gred. He toyed with the enchanted apple in his hands, a whole box of them squirming beside him to get his attention.

"I think it's time we put that apple of yours to good use."

Gred sent Forge and evil grin. "Time to talk with old Peevsy then."

_There we are sorry for the long update may be quicker next time._


	4. Chapter 4

_Okay so much for being faster... maybe next time!_

So far: Harry, Hermione and Ron have found the castle,

Luna and Ginny have crashed into each other and Fred and George are plotting about their apple...

Skipping along merrily Ginny could not be happier, although she had lost a lot of her fruit farm she still had her oh so precious dragon fruit, Charlie would be so proud of her.

Some distance away a more than slightly hyper Mr Potter was banging happily on the really, really big doors of the castle, after several tries he got bored and pushed the doors open.

Hermione and Ron who were happily arguing away behind him had not been paying attention. That was until Harry happily shouted. "Peeves!"

Silence fell as everyone looked at Harry in horror. Until peeves came zooming round a corner, for yes they were at Hogwarts and yes Harry had taken Ron and Hermione on yet another of one of his wild goose chases. You would think by now they would have learnt their lesson by now, Hermione especially she was meant to be the brightest witch of her generation.

While peeves happily threw his *cough* Fred *cough* George's *cough* severely mashed up apple around the entrance hall, Hermione went back to one of her favourite hobbies, namely berating poor Ron.

Harry happily skipped past them grinning at Peeves before rushing past other random people and going back to singing children songs, this time a rendition of Balamory could be heard as Harry sang as loudly as he could, Remus had always said he was a really loud baby. He must have been joking Harry was more than just loud.

Ginny came sprinting down the stairs her eyes all excited, until she saw who it was, "Oh it's only you, I hoped for the pizza delivery boy!"

A few heads turned to stare at her, after Harry had defeated Coldiepanties-, with the power, he knows not, practical jokes, - craziness had been flying through Hogwarts faster than you could say Sherbet Lemons (yes Dumbly had tried).

Blaise Zabini who was standing in the entrance hall watching the craziness sighed, and he had been hoping it was the Chinese! Still maybe the food would be here soon, he had only been waiting four month or so, and the food he had eaten in the meantime had not been soooooo bad, merely not up to his high standard.

Poor Draco was most devastated his children's Happy Meal from MacDonald's still had not come and he was rather put out by it! He was going to complain to his father, if his father could have his family bucket from Kentucky every day, delivered to the manor, then he could have his Happy Meal. Though he was not very happy.

While the majority of Hogwarts mourned the fact that their wonderful takeaways had not been delivered, in Surrey the Dursley household a man that looked more like a walrus (AN no offense towards walruses intended) and a woman with startling similarities to a giraffe (AN same applies to the poor giraffes) spluttered as the 10 o'clock news came on (though it was not 10 yet just use your imagination).

_And to recent news, recently reports have been com__ing__ in from many take out restaurants; a Mr __Albuis__Dumblesnick__ has reportedly been order__ing__ thousands of takeaways merely to give the address of __Hogsnort__ School of witchcraft and wizardry._

_Police have issued a warn__ing__ to anyone work__ing__ in fast food restaurants that recently threats have been issued. The suspect is thought to enjoy suck__ing__ on lemon drops and be__ing__ a royal manipulator. We can only hope justice will be served _

_And that is all for today's news see you later, alligator!_

Mr Dursley shouted at the TV in fury while his vein throbbed and the next-door neighbours sighed, another sleepless night it was.

Mrs Dursley meanwhile snorted and stood up, "Always knew he was a freaky, freak!"

With that, she stormed out the room, stopping on her dramatic exit to careful move a flowerpot half a millimetre to the left, pull her tape measure out and make sure the flowerpot was where it was meant to be, nothing less than perfection for her normality.

Back at Hogwarts

The doors opened again, everyone held their breath in anticipation, only for it to come rushing out again as they saw the mad girl that visited Luna Lovegood now and then. The girl came in shouting about the joy of school, a collective shudder ran through the room who could think that? Several gasps were heard as the girl shouted about the joy of French; several children were already running off to get St Mungos aware of the situation. (AN No offense meant I merely disagree with the language can't learn it)

When Luna happily came skipping down the steps with her arms open shudders yet again ran through the room as everyone hoped that the author would come up with some better more interesting words, she had after all repeated several too many times now!

Shudders (author gives evil grin) also ran through the spectators as they realised not only was the author going to use the word shudders regularly she was also going to make them suffer for thinking of the rebellion they had so thoughtfully planned, down to the last *cough* shuddering *cough* detail.

Letting Luna and her friend who still had not got a name (it might be thought of later) together plotting evilness worse than the Weasley twins would be punishment! At least the Weasley's at some point had some sanity to matter how questionable that may be.

So as the two girls happily twirled away many people, old and young ran to barricade their dormitories before the evil duo could cross their threshold.

At this point the author is going to be truly evil and stop writing, although the target was not reached, there were boxes that needed unpacking. Though after editing and with the AN's the target has actually been reached.

_So that is it for now, as my friend pointed out I still had not updated, __opps__ and that reminder was a while ago too! So hope you liked it and I apologies for the random authors notes spread throughout this chapter_


	5. Chapter 5

_So I realised yet again that a new chapter needed to be written... I think this is the fastest I have ever gotten a chapter out! Only three months for a thousand words or so ) I noticed that throughout the writing style changes, as other authors co-write a chapter with me, if it confuses you then sorry_

At Hogwarts the situation was escalating, not only was Harry back, peeves hyper (or more so than normal), but the evil duo (not the Weasley twins) were running loose.

Poor Blaise was still waiting along with the rest of Hogwarts for their long awaited take-a-ways. Many students could be found crying in misery, while still being barricaded in their common rooms.

The teachers were having a 'staff meeting' (they were hiding), the poor first year who knocked on the door in terror was thrown violently backwards due to the number of wards surrounding the door.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" could be heard throughout the building, several students shuddered, before shuddering again due to the fact that the author had apparently remembered their dislike of repeating words.

The first shudder was due to the fact it had started. The long awaited prank war. Many throughout the castle began screaming for their parents.

Draco Malfoy could be heard in the Slytherin dungeons declaring that his father would save them, only to whimper as he heard another scream, echoing mysteriously.

Meanwhile

Luna and her friend were still skipping happily a long singing of the wonderful creatures that they could see.

Elsewhere

Harry on the other hand seemed to be staring straight at a blank wall a look of concentration on his face. Had anyone been around to see it they would have shuddered, and shuddered hard. Since the fall of His Royal Shudderyness, many were terrified of the many practical jokes that the King of Practical Jokes might play.

Soon though Harry turned away from the wall just as the scream that made the Malfoy heir whimper, slivered through the air. Maybe the cheeky green-eyed boy caused the scream... who knows? (I do not cause I never got round to choosing.)

In yet another location (this time not Hogwarts)

While this insanity spread through the walls of Hogwarts another castle was trembling, the castle of Camelot trembled viciously as thousands of warriors charged towards it and the brave defenders (including the knights if the round table) stood and well, defended. The castle groaned and hoped that it would never be forgotten, before with a final shudder fell to the floor with an almighty BOOM!- only for the writer to realise that Camelot is not in Harry Potter and that she should really get back to the matter at hand!

Back to a previous location

Luna was still skipping and was still with a friend. This time though I have decided the other part of the evil duo is elsewhere, this time it is Ginny she is skipping with. So the two were happily -or in Ginny's case not so happily- skipping along and humming tunes from _The_ _Beautiful South. _As they skipped they wondered where the other part of the evil duo got to, Luna did anyway.

Somewhere within Hogwarts

The other part of the evil duo lurked mysteriously watching as the evil-super-doper-whopper-pooper-scooper of DOOM, scooped poop in an evil, yet super way with a hint of doper and a dash of a whopper way.

The other part of the evil duo shall from this day forth be known as... _drum roll please _(while the author thinks of a suitably evil name) Jeff? No... hum... Bob? Nope... Fredericka? Definitely not... James? Huh, there is a problem with all these names, _maybe the fact that the character to be named is female? _Nah... just in case... Emma? YES! Emma it is!

So after all that Emma it shall be. Reckon she can be knighted? *Cough* anyway *cough*, back on track Emma after watching for some time decided to sit down calmly and read a good novel, several minutes later after boring the watchers silly (those that spy, to warn people to run and hide as she approaches) she stands suddenly and sets off at a rapid pace.

_And that is it for now, sorry._


End file.
